On the 50th anniversary of The Beatles’ First Coming to America, the Bible verses that predicted the incarnation of The Beatles are finally coming to light:
1. He sendeth among them the beetle. —Psalm 78:45
2. There was a man sent from God whose name was John. —John 1:6
3. John spoke out against the ruler. —Luke 3:19
4. Paul set out from there and traveled from place to place throughout the region. —Acts 18:23
5. When the crowd saw what Paul had done, they shouted. —Acts 14:11
6. He kept silent and did not answer. —Mark 14:61
7. A man of understanding remains silent. —Proverbs 11:12
8. And I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. —Ezekiel 16:12
9. As to these four lads, God hath given to them knowledge and understanding in every kind of literature, and wisdom. —Daniel 1:17
10. They will be holy. They must let their hair grow long. —Numbers 6:5
11. And Jesus came down with them to a level place, and a great band.” —Luke 6:17
12. Upon this rock I will build my church. —Matthew 16:18
This may appear to be a frivolous exercise in cherry-picking Bible verses to fit a predetermined narrative, but in much the same way, the gospel writers scoured the Hebrew Bible to find quotes that “prophesied” Jesus’ life and death (coincidentally about 50 years afterwards). The gospel writers misquoted the Bible, took quotes out of context, and distorted Jesus’ biography to create their “prophecies.” And while fundamentalist Christians would scoff at the Beatles Prophesy above, they frequently point to the Jesus “prophecies” as proof that the Bible is true.
Which brings us to the Bible Funmentionables Core Principle #6:
If your holy scriptures can “prove” either side of any issue, it’s not really proof at all.
Now excuse me while I get back to my Bible to definitively prove that the Walrus really was the most ironically named member of the Beatles, Pete Best.
Michael Morris is the author of Bible Funmentionables: A Lighthearted Look at the Wildest Verses You’ve NEVER Been Told!, which features all of the shocking and hilarious verses that your minister, rabbi, or charismatic cult leader is afraid to preach.